How to survive a power outage like a Chandler: Winter Edition

Didn't know there would be another version of this, did you?  Neither did we.  

-The power will go out.  That's ok!  Snuggle in your bed on this snowy day.  Enjoy the extra time with your loved one.  Besides, you live in the city. It will be a max of a day and a half before all power is restored.

-Don't get annoyed by the constant chirping of the smoke alarms that are no longer centrally wired, and are now begging for batteries.

-Eventually meander downstairs for breakfast, which will consist of oatmeal and cowboy coffee.  Be grateful for your Jetboil.

-Snuggle up in a blanket and start reading and writing all of those lovely words that otherwise seems to allude you on a weekly basis.

-It's day two, and no longer warm in the house. Pull out extra blankets and sleeping bags. 

-Forget that the sleeping bags are rated for 20 degrees.  

-Wake up drenched, and realize what you've done.

-Need light? Remember, headlamps are best, but in rare cases, make a minimalist candle holder. That would be one cup and aluminum foil. Don't cry, Mom.

-Reach the very farthest end of your cold/sick/anxious rope on day three, and sit and cry at your kitchen table.

-Start driving to your parents house for a shower.  It's been three days since your last one.

-When you see a power man, stalk him. Stalk him good.

-After learning your power will be on in less than an hour, watch TV on your iPhone in your husbands car.

-Laugh like an idiot when you see your porch lights turn on.

-Begin the heating up process like a champion.  

Now you know how to survive a winter power outage like a Chandler. And knowing is half the battle.

My heart belongs at Ikea

The first time I stepped foot into an IKEA, I didn’t have too many expectations other than leaving with the items my husband and I had come to buy: curtains, bedding and side tables for our living room. What I got was so much more.

Breakfast! 
        Lamps!
                Inspiration!

Our house turned from white walls and bare wood floors to something much cozier. And a little nuttier. Just our style. Orange curtains and light blue side tables? Yes, please! Silver lamps with black mirrors? Sure, why not?

IKEA is our JAM.

Every now and then, we realize we need something from IKEA. We scour the website to make sure it’s the only thing we need, and then we begin our pilgrimage. We finally ride that smooth escalator up to the show room floor, and steady on, we shop.

This most recent trip was no different. It was time to get rid of our old table. It had been good to us—me in particular, since it had followed me all the way from college. It was too big for our dining room, and had unknown origins since it had been found on the side of the road in New Jersey. The finish was coming off, and it had been stained by one too many beer pong tournaments in college. Then Jeff found its replacement - thirty-five dollars worth of bright green table.

If you’ve never been to IKEA, let me explain a few things. When you enter, you enter into the show room. This is where they have set up fake living environments for you to see their pieces at work. When you like something, you turn over its tag and write down the item’s specific magical numbers. These numbers translate to where you will find it in the basement.

Descending down into the basement, (not at all spooky like the one you grew up with) you swipe a dolly/shopping cart with the perfect turn radius, and enter the stocking room to gather your previously chosen items. The aisles are wide, tall, and rival any big box store you’ve ever been to. This is apparently why you pay so little for their wares—you get your own stuff instead of paying someone else wearing a laborer’s cummerbund to get it for you. Genius.

Travel a little further into the belly of the basement, and you can check out. You finally get to take it all home with you in your car that might be too small for your massive haul. Unless you have a wagon - you should get a wagon.

And while my love for IKEA’s physical store and stuffs is obvious, I think my love is also because it is the one store that explains some of the reasons I love my husband the most.

I love that I have a husband who, while he be daring and design savvy enough to instigate the buying of a bright green table, will also be cool and handy enough to be able to wire our house so our new lighting rig (that HE made) actually works.

I love that my husband will up and decide that the two of us should get in the car and drive on gorgeous back roads while listening to music or discussing the most mundane of things, all just to get one item. OK… fifteen items.

So friends, I don't know that IKEA will make you feel the warm tingle of the Swedish love bubble I feel, but I think it might just be worth a shot. Don't you?

Merry Merry!

Merry Christmas, everyone!

I hope you are having a wonderful day filled with family, friends and awesome traditions. 

Growing up, my family had a bevy of traditions, but now that I am married, it is not so. 

This is because my husband does not think we should have traditions until we have children.  I get it-- not everyone loves Christmas like I do, but traditions are so important to me!  So, instead of forcing traditions on him, I have to be very sneaky about forming them without his consent.  He's so lucky. 

For instance, every year when we are driving from family to family (and thus, he cannot escape), I read a book aloud to him. The book called The Gift the Magi. Have you ever read it? Holy cow. I cry. Every time.  Which makes the husband even more apt to accept this tradition.

Wait...

I hope to have many more of these ensnarements traditions by the time we actually have a family, but for now, buddy reading is all I have been able to come up with. 

All in due time, friends. 

Before I sign off, I want to share with you my Christmas JAM.  Take some time and listen, it's worth it.  Lyrics below. :)

Love to you all, and a very merry Christmas!

When the babe was born
In a manger on the hay
God saw a veil torn
He saw Good Friday

He was born to die

Gold laid before the Christ
Incense, His presence is sweet
Myrrh to signify
Victory over death's sting

He was born to die

It came in a dream
To Joseph late one night
That Herod sought the King
But could not take His life
He was born to die

He said, "You don't take my life
You won't take my life
You don't take my life
I lay it down"

We came here today
To celebrate His birth
But let us not forget
Why Jesus came to earth
He was born to die

Hue & Hum

Earlier, I mentioned that Jeff and I were going to celebrate "Not a Fathers Day", and celebrate we did.   As a gift for being such a good not-a-father, I enlisted the help of Hue & Hum. 

Hue & Hum are a super cute husband and wife duo.  She draws, he plays music.  Dreamy.

I sent a set of pictures the Hue (or is she Hum?), and she put together a rendering of the two of us, in all our child-less glory.  Take a peak.

Pretty dead on, huh?  I love the simple and fresh look of her work.  

Jeff's first reaction was... "are my feet really that big?".  

Glad you like it, bud. 

PS- If you like it, you can get one too!  www.hueandhum.com

How to Survive a Power Outage Like a Chandler

A simple step by step how-to for surviving a storm/power outrage like a  boss  Chandler.

-The power will go out. Forget the flash light. Flash lights are for sissies.  Put on a head lamp.  

-Gather your favorite magazine and read it, or watch the storm from your window while on the phone with your husband.  Since he's not home.  (wah!)

-Go to bed only after you know you're not going to be impaled by a stray tree branch.

-Wake up sweating.

-After peeling the bedding off of your drenched body, vow to do clean your sheets as soon as the power comes back on. 

-Try to make sense of the following: you have no electricity, therefore no coffee. Don't cry.  

-Find. Coffee. I repeat, find COFFEE.  

-Eat breakfast anywhere that has power. And coffee.

-Come home and flip light switches in vain.

-Remember the load of clothes that had finished in the washer right before the power went out.  Try to decide between line drying them (this involves activity, which equals sweat), or just sitting there. 

-Allow your practicality to overrule your laziness.  Line dry your clothes, woman.

-Go outside. Unless the government has warned you away from being outside. Because it's 115 degrees.

-Drive around your town taking random pictures.  

Here is one the husband took. He's getting so good!

...during that drive, if you happen upon downed power lines, go ahead and drive over them. They're not working any way. 

-Drink only cold liquid lunches.

-Go outside. It can't be that bad.  FALSE. It is that bad.  

-Drive around until....

 -You get a phone message that your power is back on. Forget the speed limit.  Fly, you fools.

-Shriek in joy when your light switch works. It works!!

-Wash your sheets.

-Let the cool down begin. 

Now you know how to survive a power outage like a Chandler.  And knowing is half the battle.

Take that, cherry coke.

"Whatcha writing", my husband asked.  

"My blog", I responded.

Husband: Why?  Do you have a story to tell?

Me: Sure don't. 

Husband: Then why do you do it?

Me: Because I like it.

Husband: You should tell them the story of how you threw away my cherry coke tonight.

Me: Should I?

Husband: No.


In unrelated news, Jeff cut off all of his facial hair. This is only the third time in the seven years I have seen his chin.

Unfortunately, this most recent shave has reduced his strength to that of only one mortal man.

Bummer.  I really wanted to watch him toss around tractor trailers this weekend. 

Did She Just Say That?

This week's how to is...

How to make inappropriate jokes at Bible study!

First, you must wait until the room is silent, and start out your inappropriate joke looking at the floor.

Second, raise your eyes, only to make eye contact with the people you are not sure will like your joke.

Third, laugh at your joke even though everyone else is stunned and shuttering due to the sexual nature of the joke.

Fourth, call your husband afterward and get excited for the high-five he promised you for said joke.

Put together those four steps and you have the perfect setting for an inappropriate joke at Bible study!

For a real life example:

Bible Study Leader: I want to make sure that we end this marriage series by concentrating not on other relationships, such as boss and worker, or parents and children, but really concentrate on the relationship of husband and wife.

Pause

Bible Study Leader: I just want to hit that all night.

Robin: Isn't that what marriage is all about?

Oooooh snap.  

This is where I should put my formal apology to my Bible study group, right?

Have any stories of inappropriate jokes? Your joke, or perhaps you've been a victim of my jokes and you want to share?

Leave a comment below!

Also, I want to thank you for your support about my last post. Thank you especially for those who commented, and did not call me a heifer.  It's commendable.  I am excited to do weekly weigh-ins here on the blog, and hopefully have the same support then. :)

Rescinding My Application

I feel like I have been lying to you.

I once blogged about being a part of the "adults" club.  However, in light of this weekend's events, I must rescind my application to this prestigious (if not slightly boring) group immediately.

Here's what went down.

Jeff and I bought a new vacuum this weekend. 

We saw a need to replace the one I bought for $30 when I was in college since it smelled like the cats my roommate had (over six years ago!) and hardly worked any more.  

Jeff had been researching for a while and eventually gave me the option of three to choose from. And by that, I hope you know I mean that I pretended to listen to him talk about each one and just picked the one I could tell he really wanted to get.  I'm learning.

We even used a coupon to buy it.  

What could be more adult than that?

Sadly, dear adult friends, we spent the first ten minutes of the new vacuum's life giggling like fools whilst suctioning various parts of each other's body.  

Not those body parts.  Well... some of those body parts.  :)

My favorite was the forehead. 

Don't give up on us.  We will become adults one day.

No Shave February?

He has no idea I'm posting this...

He says he derives his power from the beard.  And the patches are just where the beard was too powerful to let anything grow.

I love my mountain man.

Did you know?

Three years ago yesterday, Jeff and I got murried. 

Say it with me now. Awwwwwwwwwww.

I was a bridal basket case with a side of just plain crazy before my wedding.  My sisters did a great job calming me down by feeding me tater tots (is that the second time in two blog posts that I have talked about tater tots?) and croissants with ketchup. In my wedding dress...? 

My favorite part of the day (not night… I won’t post about that), was our first look.  This was a new concept to me since none of my sisters had done it. And I pretty much don't do anything unless it has been tested and proven worthy by one of my sisters.


I had always dreamt of seeing my husband for the first time as I walked down the aisle, so I was pretty opposed to seeing Jeff before that moment.

I realized that what I was craving more than anything was time to just be with my lovey.  Plus, I wanted to give my photographers time to get some BANGING shots of the two of us without time constraints.  So we decided to do it.

While I waited, hiding in the library, I was the most nervous I have ever been in my life.  That is saying something given the number (and locations) of piercings I've gotten in the past. 


In that insanely nervous moment, my wedding planner tried talking to me.  Tried being the operative term. I was so nervous I could barely even carry a conversation. It was like I had marbles (or 14 shots of tequila) in my mouth. I could not form a sentence to save my life.   


I am incredibly thankful that these crippling nerves took over my mind and body in a library with my wedding planner and not with my father, about to walk down the aisle.  


As a plug to future brides, let me add that seeing Jeff pre-ceremony did not rob me of my special moment of walking down the aisle. I was calmer after seeing him, than I had been all day.  I got to mess around in the limo, I got to enjoy my bridesmaids and I got to soak in my father giving me away. 

Back to the first look...


Jeff took his place on the porch at Fairfax Hall...

I walked out and tapped my husband on the shoulder. He turned around and  we  I started crying immediately.  

Another plus to doing the first look= the man gets to have a genuine reaction instead of worrying what his brosephs think about him crying.

We hugged and kissed. We took time to complement each other on how great we thought the other looked. We giggled, and shivered and soaked in the moment. 

And we got some baller pictures.

and some awkward ones too...

It was honestly the best part of my day.  Just the two of us. 

I would not change it for the world.

And did I mention the pictures???

Happy Anniversary, my love.  Thanks for still holding doors open for me, for loving me despite my salty tongue and spicy moods, and most of all, for being the best husband I’ve ever had.




Photo credits: Lisette Price Photographyand Over the Moon Photography

Homeplace

There is a magical place in Catawba Valley called The Homeplace.  Catawba Valley is about 1 hour and 45 minutes from where I live, but who cares?  Jeff and I were excited to get away and as you can tell from the picture below, it is as beautiful as it is tasty!  

The Homeplace is a home style down home cooking restaurant that was originally a farm house.  The food comes to you family style and heavens it is baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad to for a diet.   Fried chicken, mashed potatoes, gravy, green beans (don't be fooled, they are cooked in bacon), pinto beans, corn, cole slaw, roast beef... I am not even done.  There was also peach cobler with ice cream.

It is not as if you get a set amount and then you tag out.  No no, they keep bringing you what ever you want. More and more of whatever you want.  I will not even begin to tell you how much of all of those items listed above I had.  But I can say that I was unnnncomfortable.  Although I can't say that even at my most uncomfortable that I would have turned down another spoonful of mashed potatoes.  Judge away.

The picture above was taken from our table out the window.  Yep, its gorgeous.  If you are ever near the area, try and stop there. But don't feel like you have to eat everything on the table, or you will waddle out of The Homeplace like a hippo with two different length legs.  Like us!

Bad Blogger

Ok, so my sister keeps telling me that I am a bad blogger for not posting in a while. Maybe its because none of you repsonded to my question about what Lauren and I should put on our tee shirts for the Valentines Day 5k. I wish I felt like you were being adequately punished...

More than any thing it is because I was away on my 1 year anniversary trip with the husband-face. So to hold you over, here is a picture of said husband face and my attempt to perfect sun flair. Oh and a list of things I should be blogging about.


Things I should be blogging about but am not because I want to watch Gilmore Girls and fall asleep early to wake up early and use our new exercise bike:

1. The really annoying lady at the gym that uses the stair master wrong
2. The fact that I am running 9 miles this weekend
3. Dan and Colleen's wedding pictures... almost done!
4. The crazy snow that is coming
5. My stitches. They really itch.
6. The trip to Annapolis
7. American Idol and all its retched glory
8. The tall tale of trying to steal the remote at the gym only to be thwarted by the workers. Not what you think...
9. MY NEW NIECE/NEPHEW!!! Coming to a White near you, August 2010!!
10. Vomit tacos


G'night!